Have you been wondering what your ideal partner should look like?
- What type of characteristics should they have?
- What does a strong relationship look like?
- How will I know if I found the right one?
I have been right where you are and let me tell you, the answer is not as complicated as you think it is. Each person’s definition of their ideal partner is going to vary; everyone needs something different. However, there are certain things that every person deserves in a relationship and as long as your partner has these 7 good qualities, you can be sure that you’ve found the right person.
Ideal Partner Description
1. They’re transparent
The core foundation of any relationship is communication and while we’re on the subject of communicating, being transparent is a must. There is no real reason to be hiding something from your partner and if you just came up with a reason in your head, I’m sure it sounds something like the following
- Well, they’ll get upset with me
- They don’t know how to handle it
- They do it to me
Let me stop you right there. and go ahead and get ahead of this virus you call a reason.
- You are not responsible for the way your partner feels and you can’t assume how your partner will react. If you know for a fact, they will be upset by the information then the real question is why did you do it in the first place? And the real answer is probably that you’re selfish. (I am not going to sugarcoat ANYTHING. We keep it real here)
- You are not responsible for the way your partner handles something
- This is not kindergarten
Use your words and be honest about how you feel or what’s going on. You can’t expect your ideal partner to be a mind-reader and you definitely can’t expect to have a good relationship if y’all don’t even talk. And I mean talk, meaning y’all talk about the light-hearted topics as well as the uncomfortable and heavy topics.
If something is bothering you, say it. Don’t yell, don’t get aggressive, and don’t be petty just say it the same way you would want him/her to talk to you. When you notice something amazing about your partner, also say it.
2. They listen to you
You need to listen just as much as you need to talk, and when I say listen, I do not mean just sitting there maintaining eye contact while being in a totally different headspace thinking about what happened yesterday, what you’re going to make for dinner, y’all’s plans for the evening, what you need to get done for the day, etc. No.
When your partner is talking, listen to understand not listen to respond. Try to see where your spouse is coming from or if the conversation is more light-hearted, take a genuine interest in what they’re talking about. Ask them questions, be present, and pay attention.
Most of us have a lot going on in life. We have to work, make sure certain people are taken care of, cook, clean, find time for our partners, and still find time for ourselves too. It’s a lot, but you did sign up for this.
It’s not fair to your partner for you to just be sitting there not listening to a word they’re saying. It’s also not fair to your partner for you to be listening and just waiting to respond. The goal here is to find your ideal partner AND be their ideal partner too, not to be right. Listen to them the same way you would want them to listen to you.
3. They share tasks
You need to be splitting the responsibilities at home. I don’t care if it’s 50/50, 55/45, or 60/40 on a bad day but nothing beyond that.
It is absolutely ridiculous for someone to think that one person is responsible for everything, if not most things, in the home. That’s just unrealistically crazy.
One person cannot do it all, and this is a known fact, yet there are so many relationships out there where one person bears the bulk of the responsibilities both in and out of the household. Things such as
- Taking care of the kids
- Doing the dishes, laundry, repairs, etc
- Planning dates
- Keeping up with important events
These are all things a couple should SHARE, not one person just put it off on the other.
I can’t even say help your partner out because it’s not even help at that point, it’s what you’re responsible for as an adult. Figure out who’s doing what, do your part, and don’t complain about it.
4. Willing to compromise
- You want to eat pizza, they want Chinese.
- You want to vacation in the mountains, they want to go to the beach.
- You want a family car, they want a sports car.
You can’t be a good partner in a relationship and expect everything to go your way. This is not Burger King.
You have to give and take. The same way you want what you want, your partner wants what they want. That’s where the importance of compromise comes into play. You give some, they give some. Do NOT get into a relationship if you can’t sacrifice because that’s what this is all about, taking two complete individuals and meeting in the middle.
If you are willing to sacrifice but your partner is not willing to sacrifice for you, then I’m here to tell you that you deserve better. I’m not telling you to leave them, but I am telling you to get it together. You need to be with someone who is willing to be your ideal partner just the same as you would for them.
5. They hold themselves accountable
It strikes a different nerve to talk to someone who never thinks anything is their fault. It frustrates me just thinking about it.
There’s no way, none at all, for you to be right all of the time and for nothing to ever be your fault. There’s just no way.
- When you’re wrong, say it.
- When you mess up, say it.
- When you say something hurtful, own up to it.
Apologize, move on, and do better next time. Don’t blame your partner, or anyone else for that matter, when you messed up. It’s your mistake to own up to.
No one can MAKE you do or feel anything. You have complete control over yourself, that’s one of the beautiful things about life. Now is not the time to bring up some random statistic about “you’re actually not in control because of xyz.” No.
You are a grown adult that is responsible for your grown adult decisions. If you want to make your relationship stronger, own up to your shit. Stop using your past, your childhood, what you ate for breakfast, what happened at work, etc as an excuse. You act the way you act today because you CHOOSE to act that way. There’s no other reason.
6. They’re understanding
You are not with your partner to judge them, criticize them, or belittle them. You should not be judging or berating your spouse. You should not be allowing your spouse to judge or berate you either. That is not what they’re there for.
Your S/O should be your person in life. They’re supposed to be the one person you can trust and confide in. They’re supposed to be the one person you can run to. The person you share both the good and the bad, but you can’t do that if all you do is judge your S/O.
When your partner is talking, try to see their point of view. Try to understand where they are coming from. Try to sympathize with them.
You’re with your partner to literally do life with them and you can’t do that if all you do is judge them. And besides, why would you be with someone where you feel like all they do is make mistakes? Why be with someone whom you feel you have to watch over them/treat them like a child? You need to be their greatest supporter, not their greatest enemy.
7. They’re a source of positivity for you
After a long day of work, the last thing someone wants to come home to is some negative BS. I mean that’s the very last thing someone wants to hear, yet I’m sure there are some people out there where that’s all they give their partner is negativity. Your ideal partner is not going to do this to you, and if they are constantly bringing you down then they’re not your ideal partner.
It’s not their place to be raining on anyone’s parade, especially not your partner. When they’re celebrating, celebrate with them. When they’re having a rough time, uplift them. When they’re second-guessing themself, remind them how much you believe in them and all of the amazing things about them.
Don’t add to the negative thoughts they have, and most certainly don’t be a source of negativity. You would have to be one awful person to willingly be a source of misery for your spouse, and I would hope one day your heart thaws out enough for you to find the love that you need in this life.
Love, uplift, and motivate your partner the way you’re supposed to. Push your partner to be the best version of themself, the same way they should motivate you to your greatest potential.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence or in a dangerous relationship, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or text SMART to 88788.