What A Toxic Friendship Really Looks Like

Last updated on October 24th, 2023 at 02:08 pm

Does your friend really have your back? Be honest with yourself.

If your “friend” is doing at least 3 of these things off this list, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, you might want to reevaluate their place in your life. 

It’s not worth it keeping someone around who is throwing you under the bus, spreading your business, doesn’t have your best interest in mind, and God only knows what else. 

Watch out for these 10 signs of a toxic friend before it’s too late, especially number 3.

Read More: How To Move On From A Friendship

How To Spot A Toxic Friend

1. They Constantly Make Snide Remarks

We all know someone who just can’t bring themselves to say one nice thing about you, or if they do it’s a backhanded compliment.

Some examples of rude comments include

• “I always feel more intelligent when I talk to you.”
• “Have you always had a lazy eye?”
• “They only like you because you’re skinny.”
• “That’s not the ugliest thing I’ve seen you in.”

No one, in their right state of mind, could possibly think that making these kinds of comments would add value to anyone’s life, expose you to a new perspective, or make you feel good about yourself.

So, the next best reason I could think of is that they’re trying to tear you down, and what kind of “friend” does that? A toxic one.

A real friend wouldn’t say something that could even possibly hurt your feelings; and if they did, they would apologize.

2. Only Their Issues Matter

Sometimes it’s nice to take a break and listen to someone else’s problems in life, but all the time?

It’s one thing to be a shoulder to cry on when your friend is going through something; it’s another thing when you never have a shoulder to cry on because they’re the one constantly crying.

You’re either dealing with someone who can’t get it together or someone who only cares about their issues. And if you’re trying to elevate in life, why would you want to be around either of those things?

Eventually it just becomes exhausting.

Now of course, in all relationships, there will be moments where it’s 80/20, 50/50, 70/30, etc. But, if it’s 80/20 and you’re always the 80 that’s a problem.

• For one thing, they will never care about you the way you care about them.
• Second, you have literally no one in your corner
• Third you’re sitting around being a therapist for FREE.

You’re worth way more than that.

3. Everything Is A Competition

Whatever you’ve done, they already did it and then some.

• You washed your car today; they washed their car, cleaned it out, polished the rims, and added a new car tree.
• You used to be in ballet, well they were in ballet for 7 years and went to Broadway.
• You got new shoes; they already had those shoes and they’re about to get the newest of the new

Not only can you not trust people like this, but they will never be happy for you.

Even with your biggest accomplishments in life, they physically can’t bring themselves to be happy for you because they’re secretly in competition with you.

You can’t change or inspire these kinds of people either. If you try to, they will suck up everything positive thing in your life until it’s gone.

4. They Copy Everything You Do

You could take these one of two ways; you can either be flattered or weirded out.

Personally, I would be weirded out. Anyone who values you and your friendship, is not going to literally try to replicate your entire life.

Some examples include

• You dye your hair red; they dye their hair red
• You get a kitten; they get a kitten, and they didn’t even like cats
• You’re interested in Jimmy, now all of a sudden, they’re interested in Jimmy

You need to watch out for strange behavior like this because best case scenario is that they’re jealous of you, and you can’t be friends with someone who wants to be you.

5. They Gossip About Their Own Friends

Although this should be obvious, it can be easy to overlook. Especially when you keep reassuring yourself that they would never do that to you.

I hate to break it to you, but you’re not that special (to them) and the same way they’re talking about their other friends is the exact same way they’re talking about you.

Really ask yourself what could you possibly be bringing to the table that would stop them from talking about you?

Even if you may be helping them out, why do you think that would stop them from being a crap friend to you if they’re doing it to other people?

6. You’re The Last Option

Feeling like you’re the last resort does not feel good, and it’s safe to say that someone who cares about you is not going to want you to feel that way. Let alone cause it.

Things like

• You’re constantly putting in effort, arranging plans, or making the first move
• Only reappearing when they need something or when they’re bored
• Being left out of plans, especially with a group of mutual friends
  • Bonus points if they post all of them together on social media without you

This kind of behavior is not that of a true friend; my best suggestion is to move on.

7. They Get Upset If You Make A New Friend

On the flip side of being left out, someone being upset about you making a new friend is just as concerning.

If they’re upset about something rational, like they don’t get to hang out with you as much, fine. They might really enjoy being around you.

However, if you’re being a good friend to them and you’re just getting to know other people, that’s where things get suspicious.

Why would someone not want you to meet other like-minded individuals and expand your friend group?

It has to be one (or more) of these three reasons

1. They’re jealous of you or the new friend.
2. They have feelings for you.
3. They view you as a possession.

You are the only person who can determine which one out of the three apply. If it’s 1 or 3, drop them. As far as option 2, unless you both have feelings for each other, I don’t see that ending very well either.

8. They’re Friends With Everyone

If they’re friends with everyone, then they’re friends with no one.

Once again, these kinds of people are not interested in building a real connection with anyone. They are, more than likely, chasing after something, whether it be connections, status, or filling a void. 

There are no standards to be in their life, so your friendship is essentially worth the best thing you can do for them.

9. Only Nice To You Around Others

It’s very odd watching someone change right before your eyes.

One minute they’re ignoring you and making rude comments, and then the next minute they’re acting like y’all are best friends and they know everything about you in front of other people.

These kinds of people are solely interested in protecting their image and ego. That’s it.

They are most likely only friends with you because of what you bring to the table, you make them look good, or an ego boost.

They’re never going to value you the way they should, and they know it.

That’s why it’s your responsibility to remove yourself from those kinds of people.

10. They Get Into A Relationship And Ghost You

Obviously, if someone gets into a new relationship, it will naturally take away time from the old one. However, it becomes an issue when they act you don’t even exist.

There’s nothing wrong with valuing a romantic partner more than a platonic friend, but to completely act like y’all were never friends in the first place is some BS.

If you genuinely value both your S/O and your friend, you would learn how to balance both.

All relationships take work, and healthy ones require even more.

If your friend feels like they can’t handle that then they should say something rather than just leaving you behind.

You’re a real person with real feelings and that should be respected. If they can’t do that, then you have to do what’s best for you.

Which red flag is the most toxic in your opinion? What are some red flags you think I missed?

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